Sumangali prarthanai / Pondukkal idal / Mangali pondugal
Women's day, Brahmin style!
On December 10, 2017, I was part of a function dedicated to women.
This function is called Pondugal-kku idal. Meaning doing 'upacharam' for the 'pondugal' or honouring the women. It is conducted once every year in every Brahmin family in honour of all the women of our family who have passed away; through the women alive today. The day after the 'sradham' or 'pitr-tarpan' (death anniversary) when all are home is a much preferred day.
As you read, you will find * symbol. This means that the paragraph have been added later after getting inputs from other sources.
*If the mother-in-law of the family has died as a Sumangali; the mangali pondugal HAS to be done the next day. Usually, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Saturdays are not chosen. But in the case of the passing away of the mother-in-law as Sumangali, day is NOT an issue.
"Sumangali" means a married woman who lives with her husband.
It is usually conducted in the main family house. Only 2 types of females are allowed to sit down for the function. Sumangali and young girls who have not attained puberty.
These females are USED to honor ALL the women who lived in the family. The women who die when their husband's were alive (Sumangali), the young girls in the family who died before they got married and all the girls who were once part of this family, but got married and left this family are evoked by prayers and asked to partake the food and bless the family. The bodies of the 'Sumangali' pondugal are 'used'. And YES, widowed women who are no more are also honored and called upon to partake in the feast. Why not? They were also Sumangali before they lost their husband!! I hope you understand that no woman who was part of the family is left out.
All the women of the family are expected to attend it. So, a date which is suitable for most of them is chosen...if it is not the day after/before a big function.
It HAS to be conducted before any auspicious function.
If a girl from one family is getting married, this function is conducted in the bride's home before marriage, like a send off. But she does not get to sit down as a pondugal as she is not yet married and has attained puberty. And the same procedure is done after marriage in the groom's family; as a way of welcoming the girl into the new family. And this is the first function she gets acknowledged as a married woman (sumangali) and she gets to sit as a pondugal.
*In certain families, the would be bride is allowed to sit down with the pondugal and the food is served as is for the rest; BUT she is not given 'kudikya neeru'. You will know what that is as you read along.
*In my sister-in-law's (nathanaar's) family, the newly married girl becomes the Kartha! And none of the daughters-in-law are allowed to sit down as pondugal. They are all Karthas.
As a set number of women are needed for the function and if the number of women in the family are not sufficient, women from outside are invited. These women are invited to attend by the 'kartha' (doer / main person) for the function. She would go to the women's houses and offer them oil, manjal and shikakkai; ask them to have a bath with it and then ask them to come for the function.
(*Now a days soap is given instead of the shikakkai!!)
This is one function, where the purohits / priests have no work. Women are the bosses and (openly) run the show! ;P
Usually, women were served food after the men have had their fill. This day, they are served when the women are free!
There are set rituals to be followed, but each household has it's own variations. The cooking ingredients, the number of persons seated, the order of service....subtle differences. When I say there can be a difference in cooking ingredients, I mean that in some households, some ingredients are completely avoided like in my maternal home they avoid grinding coconut, but add fried coconut. In the house I am married into, there are no restrictions. Normal cooking is done.
Usually all women pitch in with the cooking and then proceed to help themselves to the delicacies prepared. But now a days, professional cooks who come home to help are a great blessing. Food cooked outside is avoided at all costs.
By the time I reached, the kolam had dried .....
The Pooja room was decorated...
Podavai was pleated and decorated on one side around a small mirror. Just like a woman would....with flowers, a gold chain and made to look pretty. On the right side was placed a nice pavadai + blouse (cloth for a long skirt) near a mirror with flowers.
In front of the Gods and on an elaborate kolam, was placed (other than 2 empty silver glasses) in order from top left - chukku maanam (dried ginger mixed with jaggery), akshadai (turmeric stained rice), Neer moru (thinned spiced curd), henna / mehendi / mailanchy, Paanagam (jaggery sweetened water) and coconut milk.
And men were all relegated to the hall.
In our family we have 8 + 1 + 2 arrangement. 8 sumangali (married non -widowed non-divorced women), 1 young girl who is unmarried and has not attained puberty and 2 banana leaves in front of the clothes described earlier. This number changes in each household. Six women of the eight were from the family.
So, these 6 women entered one bedroom with their 'podavai' to change from our modern clothes to traditional attire. Oh! The time we took to change! We were laughing away and behaving like hooligans! Conversation veered from sane things to highly x-rated stuff.
Once we were all dressed and since we hardly get to wear our traditional outfit often, it was time for taking photos and selfies!
The 2 Anuradha's in the family!
Two ladies and a young girl who were not family joined us.
My mother-in-law, who is the eldest woman in the family, helped out the Kartha - my co-sister, Mrs.Vasanthi Mohan in conducting this function.
Now the actual function starts. We are the 'Pondugal'!
We are 'invited' to wash our legs and then enter the house.
The respect starts to flow at this point! We are officially some old souls who have to be treated well for the sake of the whole family. It is said (and I have felt it too) that these 'souls' use our body. I can vouch that they use us to consume the food! I am not a great eater, but the amount of food I usually consume during a 'sumangali prarthanai' is astounding!
The 'kartha' gives us all some turmeric and asks us to wash our legs. Special care is to be given to the heels of the legs.
Once this is done, we are given chandanam (sandalwood paste), kumkum and flowers.
We are all made to stand facing east and then she takes our Aarathy.
Time to enter the house and take our places. Banana leaves are placed over the kolam. And 1 leaf is placed before both the podavai and pavadai. These 2 are called the 'swami elai'.
Food is served first on the 'swami elai' (god's leaf) and then to the ladies.
Rice is served at the end after all the delicacies are served. But it is served in a different way. From the big bowl of rice, one helping of rice is served on to a plate and whatever is placed on the plate is tipped onto the banana leaf. There should be no rice on the tipping plate. Basically, you have no say on the rice (mounts) served to you!!
My mother-in-law was one happy woman as she loves to (over)feed. 😃
Look at what is served...
At the left corner of the 'tooshan elai' is vadai, neiappam, chips, pazham nurukku and thogayal. And honey is served too.
Last is Ghee on the rice.
But you cannot start eating now. Wait.
The Kartha does a pooja to each leaf on which food has been served.
She takes a bit of the flowers, akshadai and henna....takes some water and moves her hand 3 times over each leaf. The swami elai gets a namaskaaram....our leaves are simply rounded and flowers deposited on the side.
Now we all make a beeline to the swami elai and do the same to the 2 leaves.
All the family members do this; men included.
One 'kutty kallan' (small theif) ran away with some chips....:D
No.
The kartha gives us all - kudikya neeru (drinking water).
All the ladies hold this water in their hand and wait for her signal. When she says - chapadungol - 'please eat', we all drink the water at the same time and THEN we start our lunch. Phew!
But before we start, if are confident we will not be able to finish what is on the leaf and we wish to take something back home, we MUST move those things away from the leaf before they become - etchil (unhygienic and cannot be consumed by some others as you have already consumed some other things served on the leaf, thus making it dirty???)
So we move it to a 'donnai' typically made by sewing 2 leaves together. Since that was not available, a bowl was provided.
The lunch is a long affair. One, you have not had breakfast and two, all taste so good. The usual courses are followed in this home - pitla, moru kootan, rasam, payasam and curd. No Sambar.
When all have had their fill, Coconut milk is given.
At the very end, we are again served 'kudikya neeru' and after consuming it, we are allowed to get up and wash our hands.
Now the 'pondugal' are tired! Yes, consuming such a heavy sadya, makes you tired!
Time to relax.
We were made to sit facing east / west and given things place near God. Remember these?
(Mainly to aid digestion)
Chukku maanam, which has loads of ginger.
Neer moru
And paanagam
We did not have to clear or clean the place we had food too!!
We were all given bangles...
Time for gifts!!
Before each woman is given her gift, she is first given Chandanam and Kumkumam; just like you would give to a lady who is ready to leave.
The girl who belonged to this family (meaning: she is a daughter of this family, but married away) is presented with the podavai which had been kept before the swami elai 1.
The young girl got the pavadai kept in front of swami elai 2.
All of us got gifts too. Betel leaf, arecanut, banana, pottu / tikka, comb, coconut, mirror and henna on the lovely plate. Underneath is vastram (cloth). Here a podavai and blouse.
After gifts, time for peda!!
Even the small thief got a gift!
By this time the men were getting worried and hungry. Would they get any food?
Going out to eat seems like a great option for Mohan anna!
We still had to wear mehendi / henna and we were enjoying all the attention!
Time to give aashirvaadam to all the younger ones...
It all ended all of a sudden and we were back to our position as daughters and daughters-in-law. I must say, it got over much sooner that we would have liked!!
And we started doing what we do best - serve.
It was a lovely day and a beautiful way to acknowledge all the women in the family. I sort of prefer this women's day to others. We women love company and pampering. What better way of doing it and also get the blessings of elders?
*The women who have taken part in this function MUST not consume rice for dinner. They can have some tiffin.
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